Why…

**Edited** because I can.. and because I was confused reading back through it and I wrote it!

The big why…

Yesterday it was… Why does life have to be so hard? Which really means.. Amanda, stop making life hard for yourself.

Why yes, I do have a flair for drama. My life is far from bad — its actually very blessed. There are most certainly those who have much worse problems then me (there always will be).. Unfortunately, those things don’t matter in the middle of the storm that goes on in my head and heart.

In light of that.. Why do I fear what man may do to me? Right? Easy to say.. Hard to practice when you depend on others to keep you encouraged or on the right path. Man will always fail and to put them on a platform of that magnitude never proves to be good for them, or for you. They will fall, you will be disappointed. It’s an unfair expectation, friends…

Confession time: I will avoid saying it is in my nature to want everyone to like me and for there to be no conflict. Its not who I am, but something I have learned to do.. It is not on everyone else to change, but for me to accept that there will be conflict, some people may not like me, but if I’m being who I’m supposed to be, it’s ok.

It is ok.

Excelsior (Google it)

 

[Recovering] People Pleaser

Hi, I’m Amanda.  And I’m a people pleaser.

You will notice I have only one other post below this one.  From 2011. Yep.  That doesn’t mean I haven’t written other posts.  It just means I wasn’t happy with them.  Probably like I won’t be with this one.

I have a tendency to over think things, make things harder than they actually are and I criticize myself too much.  And I allow myself to think others are also critical of me.  Hence the only post on my whole beauteous blog – because that one’s not controversial.  I won’t have anyone leave a comment or email me telling me of my doctrinal errors or how I shouldn’t be thinking this, that or the other.  Because it’s ok to like things.  Just don’t like them too much.. that’s not Christian (P.S. that’s sarcasm).

So… I know that there will be some that relate and some that won’t.  I appreciate my husband in a big way because he doesn’t run everything he does through the filter of what others will think of him.  I, on the other hand, filter, um, everything I do through the filter of  what my fellow church members, my parents, my parents friends, my friends, other Christians, etc will think of me .  Because Heaven forbid we disagree and then you don’t like me and then you just decide to not love me, right?  Usually I would insert this disclaimer for those who need one about how we care to an extent because we need to be good testimonies, etc, etc… <— Oh, look!  Guess I did it anyway…

There is a bevy of things I could just write and write about.  Does that make me seem self-absorbed?  (wink)

But really… is caring so much about what other people can say and do selfish?  Maybe!  I mean, what if you have the very words to encourage someone or maybe bring clarity to an issue and you hold back?  God not only wants to use us but wants us to be available for His use.  I’m not here to try and teach you anything.  None of what I said is new revelation; my goal going forward is to make blogging a regular thing.  The reason the name of my blog is my name is because it gives me the freedom to talk about anything my little heart desires. And there’s a lot I desire to talk about, but inhibiting myself because I’m scared of what people might think has to end.

I look forward to sharing how I’ve change over the years.  Not that I’m anything special but my God is.  I’m not who I used to be and I’m not yet done becoming who I will be.

You are special, beautiful and loved… That is the truth, never forget it.

things i like

Here are some things I like!:)

 

#1 My Husby!

 

 

#2 Fake Root Beer Floats (but not as much as real ones!) 

#3 Red Lipstick#4 Red Glittery Converse! (be envious of its beauty)

#5 Mmmm… Pizza! Yes, please.

 

#6 Red Nail Polish (and my new favorite, minty green..but I am lacking in pictures of it)

 

#7 Big bordering on obnoxious Hair Accessories (especially the ones I make!)

 

 

 

#8 Kitties!! Especially this blue-eyed baby!

 

 

#9 Hello Kitty!!

#10 Us!! He is the cheese to my macaroni and the frosting to my cupcake!